Social Penetration Theory

By Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor
How well do you know me?

I have a best friend. He knew who I was, I am now and who I want to be someday. And I knew certain thing about him too. I know his kind, innocent and childish ways as well as I know his nasty, dark side. We walked in each other’s shoes and saw each other rise and fall. We understood each other even before we can say a word and yet still understand each other even if there’s too much to listen to. I graduated, because I was a year ahead than him, left the school where he is still in now but still we knew each other just like a clear glass with transparent insides.

Altman and Taylor explain why we have a deep intimacy in our friendship through their Social Penetration Theory (SPT). According to them, “Gradual and orderly fashion from superficial to intimate levels of exchange as function of outcomes”.
They explain this by using an onion as their model.

You see, an onion has its multi layer and that as one tries to peel those layers of onion he or she actually goes deeper and deeper into its main core. The same is with humans. We are onions too. Don’t you think? For example, my outmost layer in my onion persona is the biographical data or basic information that can be easily seen or disclosed. As interaction further pushes, the layers are actually peeled one by one and it takes time for disclosure to happen as some things are too private to be disclosed to someone who you do not know that well. Until such time that the innermost layer is reached and that the onion is now totally penetrated to its core.

The disclosure does not happen in a flick of an eye such that it needs “gradual and orderly fashion” also, some considerations are foreseen such as the values that can be derived from the disclosure since a person seeks out and it is more likely that there should be a reward. To put it easily, every person who undergoes social penetration has in his or her mind (whether unconsciously or not) the question: WHAT WILL I GET FROM THIS PERSON IF I DISCLOSE INFORMATIONS?

The minimax principle is also applied in this theory where people seek out to maximize their benefits and minimize their cost. After the penetration, however, me becomes we.

It took us only 15 minutes to know each other (me and my best friend) but it took us more than a year to really know each other as to the level of how well do we know each other now.